i want something i cant have ...

anybody ever get this ,,, because its fucking with my head .. ok so here goes ... ive never actually talked about it idk why i came here .. but so ive known this guy for quite a while , and he confessed his "love" to me .. and at one point i was in love with him too ,, i cant say im not anymore because i am , some part of my heart cant seem to let him go .. unfortunately ! we've been in eachothers life for a long time . the only thing is he lives kinda far but i see him every summer , christmas . all that stuff .. we've managed to somehow keep whatever it is that we have "working" ,, and recently i turned 21 he was here for my bday..  he was here for me !! yeah i got birthday sex! best one yet .. but anyways ..  after i find out he has a girlfriend and hes been with her for over a year!!! yet he tells me he doesnt love her the only reason why hes with her is because of his mom.. and let me tell ya his mom is no piece of work .. pain in the ass , but we manage to at least try an be friends..  anyways  WHAT DO I DO !?  he means a whole lot to me i dont know why im just realizing this ,, and ive tried to have a real normal relationship but nothing works . my heart wants him and only him ! how fucking sad! huh ?  ive shared things with him that i havent shared with anyone that wasnt my best friend!  we've even talked about OUR FUTURE  together ..  only thing standing in the way is her .. i need somebody to talk to about this .. like HELP ME !  iM LOST! ...  seriously what is with men! that sometimes we just cant control ourselves .. FML! 

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